Why Your Resolutions Don’t Stick and How to Change That

It’s that time of year again! Time to set our New Year’s Resolutions and try to better ourselves. You might be in one of a couple of camps: either you set really unrealistic resolutions for yourself, burn out after a couple of weeks, and vow next year will be different, or you might say the resolutions are stupid and never set any, and feel stuck in old or unhealthy habits.

So what are common New Year’s Resolutions? Most people I talk to have some combination of “get healthy, get organized, stop drinking, read a bunch of books, stop this bad habit, start this good habit”. Seems reasonable on paper, right? Maybe you’ve seen a TikTok or Instagram reel about this person’s 30-step morning routine, and that’s the reason they’re so successful. Perhaps you’re ready to Marie Kondo everything and finally feel in control of your surroundings and your life as a result. Maybe this is finally the year you’ll be “in shape” or “have a beach body” or run that marathon that you’ve been planning on running for the past 10 years.

I can tell you right now, you’re going to fail, and you’ve probably failed your New Year’s resolutions multiple years in a row. It’s not that you’re not determined, or that you personally can’t do the things you’re setting yourself up to do. I believe you are infinitely capable, I really do. You’re just going to fail because the system as a whole is flawed.

Let’s talk about unrealistic expectations. First of all, I really don’t believe that the influencers that you see online are actually doing their routines. Sure, they might do some of the routine, but they are most likely not a) up at 3 am to do the routine and b) not doing all of the steps every day. I realize that the average influencer probably has more time on their hands than you, dear reader, who has an actual job and works for a living. At the same time, however, so much of the internet world is about getting eyes on your work, and as a result, more money. The weirder, the more over the top, the more outrageous you or your content is, the more likely you’ll get the clicks and the views and the comments and the money. That’s all it is. Do you need to wash your face and use nice skincare products? Sure, but consult an actual doctor or dermatologist for recommendations, not an influencer who is trying to get their affiliate link clicked. Do you need to do a 500-step night routine and have your morning shed? Probably not.

Let’s talk about Marie Kondo-ing, Swedish Death Cleaning, or whatever the hot organizational trend is at the moment. Is that important for some people? Yes. I’m never going to tell someone to go against what they need and to work on behaviors that lead to hoarding. Do you need to drop everything and clean and organize everything between now and the end of the month? No. Not only is that unrealistic for most people to accomplish without feeling burnt out and giving up, but it may also not actually solve the clutter problem, and things may go back to the way they were if we’re not working on the underlying issues.

Finally, let’s touch on body-related goals. I’m all for people bettering themselves, but what does “in shape” or a “beach body” even mean? Are your routines sustainable? Anyone could change the way their body looks by following a program like 75 Hard or some extreme diet, but that’s not sustainable, and you risk returning to the way your body looked before. While a specific race-based goal, like a marathon, may not be the worst goal to set, going from never running before to training for a long-distance race can increase your chances of burnout or injuries.

Let’s say you’re dead set on setting New Year’s Resolutions and want to be successful. How can you have a better chance of achieving your goals? We need to start with the goals themselves. Let me introduce you to the idea of a SMART goal. It’s an acronym, S.M.A.R.T.

S is for Specific - your goal should be clear and exactly what you want to achieve, ie, “I want to read more” vs “I want to read 12 non-fiction books this calendar year”.

M is for Measurable - your goal should be able to be tracked and measured, ie, “I want to save money” vs “I want to save $50 every paycheck for this vacation”.

A is for Achievable - your goal should be realistic and something that you can actually do, ie, “I want to lose 300lbs this year” vs “I’m going to lose the weight that my doctor and I have discussed is healthy for my body”.

R is for Relevant - your goal should be aligned with what you want to do or change about your life, ie, “I want to be able to bench press 500lbs” when you are not interested in being a competitive powerlifter.

T is for Time Bound - your goal should have a deadline to help keep you accountable for accomplishing your goal.

The other piece of the puzzle for success is the “when” of setting these SMART goals. On the one hand, it’s a cultural norm to set these goals as New Year’s Resolutions. You have your friends and family setting goals together, and as a result, you have the opportunity to support and cheer each other on. On the other hand, I’m reminded of the quote: “The best time to set a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today.” We don’t need to wait until January 1, a Monday, or the first of the month to start pursuing our goals. Why not today? 

It can also be a knee-jerk reaction to set many goals at once, but that is often an indicator that you will fail one or more of your goals. It is hard to change, and it’s hard to change everything you might think you need to. Instead, consider habit stacking. We establish a goal, such as “I’m going to add more vegetables to 4 out of 7 dinners a week.” After a month or so of meeting that goal, perhaps adding a second goal of “I’m going to spend 30 minutes once a week deep cleaning a room/closet/the basement” to the list of goals can help you be successful. Eventually, you will have steps towards your goals as a part of your routine.

It can be challenging to set goals for yourself and change the way you live to become the better version of yourself you wish to be, especially if you are tackling this alone. I suggest identifying helpful, supportive people in your life who can help remind you of the reasons why you are trying to change and help you stay accountable to the goals you are setting for yourself. Therapy can be an excellent example of support, and your therapist can be a fantastic cheerleader and reminder of why you started this journey.