Welcome to the Holiday Season!
Welcome to the holiday season! For those of us in the United States, Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and Christmas and New Year’s are just a month away. For some, it’s the best time of the year. For many others, I’d imagine your stress level falls somewhere between “lingering in the background” and “full-blown panic attacks.” It can be hard to think clearly when the holidays are creeping up, so let’s talk about it.
The first question I have to ask is: Do you have to go? That might sound silly, but I’m absolutely serious. If you’re an adult, you have the agency to choose who is in your life and how you spend your time and you may not have ever realized that. So let’s really consider it: Is the turkey and dressing worth the time and emotional energy you’ll spend managing potentially harmful family dynamics? Is enduring the “but they’re family” comments worth the loss of peace and relaxation?
What could you be doing instead? Do you have friends or a chosen family who might welcome a “Friendsgiving”? Would you prefer peace and quiet at home with your dog? Do you even like turkey?
It’s also helpful to explore what exactly is causing your anxiety. Post-COVID, it’s rare for me to meet anyone who isn’t dealing with some level of social anxiety. Taking time to figure out whether your stress comes from unhealthy family dynamics or simply from being out of practice socially can make it easier to decide whether attending the holiday gathering is important for you.
But let’s say your answer to “Do you have to go?” is yes for whatever reason. I’m not here to make you justify it. Instead, let’s talk about how to get through the holidays with as much peace and mental health intact as possible.
First, brush up on your coping skills literally anything goes here. Do you need to hide in the bathroom and scroll TikTok for a few minutes? Do you need to have a friend you can plan on texting to send you uplifting messages? Do you need grounding strategies ready so you can emotionally sidestep your racist uncle?
Speaking of the racist uncle (or aunt—I don’t know your family), what stock phrases can you have ready to exit uncomfortable conversations quickly? I personally like a “Gen Z stare” paired with “Wow, what an odd thing to say,” but I realize I may be more confrontational than you’d feel comfortable being with your own family. Maybe a simple “It’s so good to see you butI need to help Grandma in the kitchen” will do. Or maybe you send a pre-holiday group-chat message about a “no politics at the table” rule.
You might also focus your attention on the people you do want to spend time with. Maybe your favorite cousin will be there, and the two of you can spend most of the visit catching up. Or perhaps bringing a partner or a friend can give you a buffer.
One thing I strongly recommend is agreeing on a time limit with anyone riding in your car. If lunch is at 1 p.m., maybe everyone agrees to leave by 3 p.m. at the latest, with a preset excuse to share with the family. And no one gets left behind: if even one person is uncomfortable or needs an escape, you all leave. If you’re arriving solo, this is even easier to manage.
You may never be able to predict every scenario that could unfold at your family gathering, but having a game plan can help you regain a sense of control and that alone can ease anxiety.
