The Loneliness Epidemic
COVID changed so many things in our lives. The whole world shut down in March 2020. We went from vibrant communities to the insides of our homes. Zoom became a household name. Celebrities sang Imagine. We learned to mask up and stay six feet apart. Students of all ages moved online for education. And we became lonely.
Don’t get me wrong—the loneliness epidemic didn’t start with COVID, but it certainly didn’t make it better. Why does this matter so much? How did we lose so much? Why is loneliness now one of the most common topics in therapy, and why are people so desperate for connection? Let’s look at that together.
COVID fundamentally changed how we interact with people around us. When was the last time you personally went to a coffee shop just to sit? When was the last time you shopped in a mall instead of ordering online? When was the last time you went to a library? If you’re anything like me, the answer to all of those questions is “before March 2020.”
These are examples of third spaces—places that are neither home nor work, where communities naturally gather. According to the National Library of Medicine, these third spaces have been slowly disappearing since 2008, and that decline has correlated with rising loneliness, worsening mental health, and a weaker sense of community.
On top of losing these third spaces, other social shifts—some of which seem positive—may also have unintended consequences for human connection. For instance, members of Gen Z tend to drink less alcohol than previous generations. While that’s a positive change in many ways, it has reduced opportunities for in-person interactions at parties and bars, which once served as common social hubs for building friendships and relationships.
Similarly, church attendance has been declining for years due to many factors, including religious trauma. While it’s important that people feel empowered to leave harmful environments, this also represents the loss of another major community gathering space; one that, for many, hasn’t been replaced.
Social media has also reshaped how we relate to others. Take the original juggernaut: Facebook. It started as a way for college students to connect with their peers—on paper, a wonderful idea. But look at what it’s become: a platform where misinformation spreads easily, where arguments replace conversations, and where people divide themselves into in-groups and out-groups instead of truly connecting. The same patterns appear on X (formerly Twitter) and Bluesky.
Instagram presents a different challenge. It often promotes unrealistic lifestyles and, in many cases, harmful content, such as eating disorder posts targeted at teens. Instead of fostering genuine connection, it has become a place for comparison and competition. Everything is monetized whether through sponsorships or through the pursuit of likes and followers. Authenticity often takes a backseat to appearance.
Then there’s TikTok. While it can feel like a platform for connection, studies show that over 50% of the medical information shared there is false. But accuracy doesn’t matter much to the algorithm—it rewards engagement, not truth.
Finally, Twitch.tv introduces yet another complex layer: parasocial relationships. Viewers can subscribe to or donate to streamers, forming what feels like a personal connection when a streamer responds in chat. While this can create a sense of community, it also fosters unhealthy dynamics where viewers may feel entitled to the streamer’s time or attention. In one disturbing incident at TwitchCon, a streamer named Emiru was sexually assaulted by a fan during a meet-and-greet, with little meaningful response from Twitch staff. When platforms profit from these interactions, they have little incentive to discourage them.
Humanity is still trying to connect: we’re lonely, we’re losing real opportunities for in-person interaction, and we’re turning to screens, social media, and even AI for companionship. But it’s not working. So what can we do?
First, we need to step away from our phones and social media. At a recent conference, one presenter pointed out how often people sit together at dinners or gatherings yet remain on their phones instead of engaging with those present. If you start paying attention, you’ll notice it too—entire families sitting together but barely speaking.
Second, we need to get outside and rediscover our hobbies. One piece of advice I often give clients who want to make friends is this: do the things you love, and while doing them, notice who else is there. Do you like running? Sign up for a race and talk to people at the starting line. Do you enjoy crafts? Visit a local craft store and chat with others browsing the yarn. Love music? Go to a live show and strike up a conversation while you wait for the band to play. The key is to find your people—and connect beyond the screen.
If you’d like to talk about your loneliness or struggles with connection, therapy can be a great place to start. A therapist provides a safe space to practice openness and presence, allowing you to be seen without the filters or perfection of social media. If you’re interested, feel free to reach out at Melodie@shilohcounselingmi.com.
